Album Review: King Diamond - Voodoo

King Diamond - Voodoo

Massacre Records - 1998

7.5/10

Coming off the disaster that was The Graveyard and the completely overblown but underwhelming Dead Again at the other full-time job, we reach the final King Diamond solo record of the century. One can't simply blame the lackluster quality on overworking, but it can play a factor, and I believe we'd see this one final time in Voodoo, if not to a lesser extent. It's a very clear step-up from what came before, and like the trends have shown, it doesn't continue in any concise pattern of evolution, just like the last couple of albums. Thus, at the very least, we're left with something different.

If everything felt entirely too theatrical, over-the-top, goofy, and outright unaware on the previous effort, Voodoo reverses that for a far more basic approach paired with a heavy kick that even teeters on the thrash metal boundaries more than subtly. If that's not something to at least throw it props, the unique subject matter around the actual Voodoo religion in the south of the United States was quite a unique choice. This is showcased quickly, as "LOA House" opens up on a note more fierce than we've ever seen, being a wonderful predictor of what would come the following year on 9 in the Mercyful camp. We see this repeated pretty well in "A Secret," leaning hard into the speedy aspect, and the title track is not only unique for its bongo inclusion, but for working in the regular percussion to carry it to eruptive riffing. Hell, I even enjoy "One Down Two To Go" with its soft intro breaking into an absolutely menacing delivery.

The opposite side of this fills in the cracks with tame or otherwise traditional numbers that aren't foreign to the King but also lack the magic verses and compelling leads that we've come to expect. "Life After Death" is a solid idea of old horror flick vibes in the organ meeting slower heavy metal chops, but it runs on just a little too much, leaving little impact in the end. "Sending Of Dead" possesses the same issue, not needing its almost six minute length, and some of the fluff in the likes of "Unclean Spirits" was unnecessary. I'd even say songs like the marching "Sarah's Night" could have worked if not for the wonkiness somewhat ruining what could have been a pounding trudge at full force, seeming unsure if it wants to be a fluff filler or an actual banger.

Truth is, I think this record was just a little too long, a little too ambitious, and missing the magic in several tracks. Nothing is overly jarring, it flows together nicely as one whole piece, and the thrashy overcast was such a wonderful idea. Perhaps a bold statement, but this may have worked better as a full thrash metal release with about ten or fifteen minutes of runtime gone. Cut out some of the meandering fat, tighten the loose ends, work in the melodies, and you'd have an incredible spooky concept in the vein of Metal Church under a haunting King Diamond flare. A little bit of focus in a busy time could have gone a long way, but there's still some value in lending this a listen.

Album Review: King Diamond - The Graveyard

King Diamond - The Graveyard

Massacre Records - 1996

4/10

Progressing further into the '90s, both of King's bands are on complete full-time display, we're onto a different label (again), full concepts are reintroduced, the runtime has reached an hour, and the theatrics are boasted like they've never been before! What could possibly go wrong? Well, I guess most of those things don't constitute a problem, but all of them together can be disastrous (or maybe I'm just making excuses). Either way, our seventh full-length record The Graveyard sees the start of an era that has no era; everything from here on out is a matter of throwing, seeing what sticks for better or for worse, and this record is quite a strong indicator of that. The easiest thing to do here would be to simply tell you to listen to the opening title track "The Graveyard" and try not to laugh. What a stage-setter! The sheer unaware silliness that coats the entire 1:22 runtime of it undercuts just about everything else, and that could be the review. Unfortunately, my brain doesn't operate that way (and neither should yours!).

In other words, it would be quite daft to assume that this is the sole reason why something written by the mighty King Diamond turned out objectively bad. For starters, much of the music itself feels dumbed down in each key aspect. Gone are leads that actually feel like they move with purpose, and the vocals that have often screamed forth emotions of fear, terror, or insanity now just sound like empty falsettos or phoned-in repetition. In fact, more often than not, singing and outbursts are replaced with spoken word and hum-like drone tones. Even on songs like "Waiting," where I can at least award it a catchy chorus, it's simply more of the same throughout, doing little to really retain attention. 

Similarly, there's an awful lot of meandering in the writing itself. Even an average-length tune like "Waiting" was still not void of this, but your longer ones really hammer that home. "Heads On The Wall" immediately following aims for that slower crawl that the band has perfected so many times, often as an emotional outlet or a means of suspense, but here we're treated to neither. It's instead six and half minutes of bare-basic rhythms, an underwhelmingly repetitive (and of course goofy) chorus, finished with a jarring shift in tone that leaves no impact, and all sorts of unsavory odd vocal moans; hell, even that solo sucked. "Digging Graves" could be described similarly, another slow crawl that should feel insulting to any doom metal enjoyer. Who heard all of the moan, groan and whine that coats so many of these songs and thought it actually sounded anything but ridiculous?

An elephant in the room with The Graveyard may be the discomfort invoked around its subject matter, and I don't mean this in the Clive Barker's Hellraiser way, where I want more of it, but in the Rob Zombie's Halloween way where I wish I could unsee... certain parts. I suppose it's not the worst idea in the world on paper, but the execution itself truly showed how tough it can be to deliver the story of a predator in a spooky context without feeling like you need a shower after listening. Just listen to "I'm Not A Stranger," and I'll reiterate, this is simply insult added to injury. The song objectively does nothing interesting, the suspense doesn't land, the vocals are more spoken than sang, and the vocal noises used as "effect" are simply laughable. 

It's awful telling that with all of these problems, I've only discussed about half of the album, but I regret to inform you that the second half fixes none of this. Every descriptor I've given thus far can be applied at least somewhere on the latter half, aiming to resolve things with a vengeful angle that just doesn't feel scary nor compelling. "Trick Or Treat" has that catchy element to it, but literally nothing else besides running on for too long. "Daddy" has that clear aim at suspense that falls short. "Lucy Forever" aims for that emotional edge without reaching it, and "Sleep Tight Little Baby" has that element of discomfort (not the good kind). Package all of this into a full hour of uninspiring music, and you've got your album; disjointed, uninteresting, unflattering, boring, or uncomfortable, take your pick. I understand, a project like King Diamond isn't meant to be taken too seriously as a whole, but there's self-aware fun that still works a chilling nerve, and there's something that sounds like my attempt at writing a creepypasta when I was seventeen. A good friend once described this album as "what all of King's discography might sound like to people who don't like him," and I couldn't agree more.

Album Review: King Diamond - The Spider's Lullaby

King Diamond - The Spider's Lullaby

Metal Blade Records - 1995

7/10

After kicking out five albums in literal back to back years, King Diamond would finally take a small break to focus on reforming Mercyful Fate, capping off the so-called classic era. Halfway through the '90s, yet another lineup tweak cementing only himself and La Roque as the main duo would also go back to the "half of a concept album" format that worked so nicely on the debut. Instead, The Spider's Lullaby throws the narrative to the back four tracks, dropping standalones in the front. With all of these wheels moving, we get what's seemingly a shift in direction, despite later years never making clear what that direction was.

In a way, The Spider's Lullaby reaches a "back to basics" type of axiom that shies away from the poppy synths and theatrics that grew as the band developed, focusing mainly on harsher riffs and mean vocal snarls. It certainly isn't completely void of the toppings and theatrics, which stick most heavily to the final four songs, but their less-than-obvious presence along with an overtly raw makeup gives things a rustic feel that can feel forced at times. Many of the tracks deal in deeper distortions for added flare to the songs that actually feel as heavy as they boast. "Six Feet Under" is a favorite of mine, along with the pummeling drive of "Eastmann's Cure". I'm also of the belief that the mid-'90s aura had a bigger effect on this than anyone will ever admit, but it matters little.

But the overall picture results in a mixed bag, consisting of mostly decent-enough tracks that don't stick together as well as likely intended, ranging from phoned-in to surprisingly fun. Despite the harsher aura, a lot of songs rely on a catchy chorus, the former being present in opener "From The Other Side," a decent number. Others have a tendency to lean into this too hard, with "Dreams" erring on that phoned-in side that misses the magical transitions and power that made King's earlier singalongs so great, thanks to overly ambitious repetition. Like stated at the top, some still sprinkle in your occasional keyboards, aiding in the likes of the title track and the nearly epic "Room 17" for a balanced sound, but unfortunately does nothing to boost others like "Moonlight," another one that feels far too flat to be saved by anything.

Ultimately, I can say that this is a record full of solid ideas that haven't realized their potential, or at least don't feel as organic together as they could. King Diamond's first release in half a decade falls right in the purgatory of nothing special, landing below the masterful craft that made up the classics, but could have been (and later was) far worse. It's one I haven't any strong opinions on, but makes for a fun revisit on special occasions. Perhaps it's a stretch to call it forgettable, but for any newcomers to the occult outfit, I'd suggest starting elsewhere.

Album Review: Tjolgtjar - Halloween

Tjolgtjar - Halloween

Illinoisian Thunder - 2007

6/10

Tjolgtjar, a band name that I'm so glad I don't need to pronounce out loud, is a one-man black metal act out of Illinois that sticks to the raw side of the genre, having been around for almost three decades now. Like most projects of its type, there are so many albums to pick from, and you can guess I landed on Halloween strictly because of its theme around the film franchise. Having hit the scenes in 2007, it's the third full-length fronted by the one who calls himself The Reverend.

Being as upfront as I can, under the surface, Halloween is musically about as generic as this style of black metal can get. Degraded riffing that screams "recorded in a basement," with simplistic beats and throaty shrieks are much of the game's name. Double-tracked vocals give it a little more depth (using that word rather liberally), working a lot of tremolos into the faster parts that blend into the calmer notes held together only by the horrid production. Said production is its main consistency in execution, as there is very little in the realm of transitions, and most of the songs segments are lobbed together, broken up by occasional black metal intensity or over-the-top shrieks that up the unsavory feeling. In just about every way, you can't get anymore "generic raw black metal" than this, except for the elephant in the room.

The Halloween themed songs are the obvious appeal, which should be no surprise. Most of the tracks simply mix in parts of the John Carpenter score in rough guitar form, throwing lyrics to some of them, and then elaborating with the occasional solo or riff-break. Songs like "Judith Myers" tell the story of the character under the backdrop of "Laurie's Theme" (despite "Laurie Strode" being its own song), "Night Of The Living Dead" is simply the movie's theme played in a low-fi metal style, "The Shape" takes down the bass-heavy suspense music from the movie's end and uses it as a rhythm section, etc. Others actually opt for a more original approach, like "The Haddonfield Babysitter Murders" telling the story over The Reverend's own music, as does the "Mask Of Michael Myers." However, the true standout to me is the closing "Silver Shamrock," a literal black metal cover of the TV Commercial used in Halloween III set to the tune of "London Bridges," an absolutely jarring choice but one that I'm not complaining about.

But as much as I absolutely adore the Halloween films, I can't sit here and call the third Tjolgtjar effort great. Fans of the franchise should absolutely give this a listen for no other reason than to fulfill a piqued curiosity, and I really appreciate how fun the idea is. Otherwise, if those films mean nothing to you, then this will probably simply be "another one" to the raw black metal enjoyer, or straight up unappealing to those who aren't into that.

Album Review: King Diamond - The Eye

King Diamond - The Eye

Roadrunner Records - 1990

8.5/10

As King Diamond reached the start of the century's final decade, he would begin tampering with the idea of returning to Mercyful Fate, in a move that would culminate influence from both projects. Before that could commence, one more concept record under the solo banner would hit the scenes, the last of which I would call the classic era of either band. Having struck an incredible balance between raw aggression and theatrics with Conspiracy, the next album would push forward with a similar balance. Titled "The Eye", we're also treated to a first-person narrative told through the lens of a necklace from the French Inquisition, giving it a little "based on a true story" flare.

Brought also from the previous duo of albums is the general feeling of insanity and helplessness, as the songs aim to capture an unsettling feeling of abuse, torture and mind control. You can expect chants paired with marching rhythms that carry some heavy theatrics, perhaps a record that's a little more direct with its story. "The Trial (Chambre ardent)" is the most obvious example, cooking this with dramatic changes in speed and rhythm. The drum opener of "Into The Convent" is an explosive lead into one of the most panic-stricken tracks on the album, working the impending feeling of doom with synth layers over clear vocals. This general feeling is a recurring sound that reaches its climax near the end, tapping into the helpless aspect wonderfully on "1642 Imprisonment," which is preceded by the false-safety of a beautiful instrumental known as "Insanity." The melody in that chorus is still so catchy, and "Behind These Walls" also pushes this momentum forward, topped with some exceptional harpsichord work. 

Despite all of these garnishes, "The Eye" still feels stripped down strictly in its musical bottom. "Burn" is a fast-chugger that stresses several different vocal techniques over otherwise mean and hostile riffing to pair with the gallop, leaving plenty of room for melody. Despite the crawling chorus, "The Meetings" surrounds it with signature crushing chops, and a strong solo. The entire record has this general foundation, it just takes more digging on some songs than others, and these more direct ones help break things up neatly.

It may be quick to call this record underrated, but it seems anyone that grasps it holds it in just as high a regard as I, so perhaps overlooked may be more accurate. Having to sit between King Diamond's biggest records and the reforming of his former band would be a tough place to land, but the best is made of the situation. A slight changes in an already established direction worked wonders, and if nothing else, this might have the most drastic space between raw production and obvious theatrics. The real ones know what I mean, and if you don't, go figure it out!

Album Review: King Diamond - Conspiracy

King Diamond - Conspiracy

Roadrunner Records - 1989

9.5/10

Reaching the turn of the decade, King Diamond would make a somewhat bold move in giving us a "part two" to the former record. While it may seem I'm tough on that one, it was ultimately a strong path paved for walking so that its counterpart could run. Thus, Conspiracy brings forth a similar vibe that cleans up the very subtle issues I took on "Them". The theatric elements feel placed with more purpose, the atmosphere is roughened up, and the already strong songwriting amps the hooks to a great degree.

Intensity is something that makes itself clear quite quickly, which fits the vibe of a now old King returning to face his (literal) demons. The band has somewhat made a reputation of crawling in with some bells and whistles, building up with suspense, and then kicking things off. Conspiracy sees a completely different approach, with our famous "At The Graves" and "Sleepless Nights" duo working as one of the greatest one-two punch openers of all time. Extremely fast riffing, technical prowess with dramatic shifts in tone, and thick layers that still retain a raw feeling paint such an incredible and horrific picture. I mean really, it's like someone throwing the intensity of "Abigail" right to your face at the beginning in "At The Graves." And the catchiness that manages to weave its way into "Sleepless Nights?" Forget it! Those acoustic guitars swing into galloping chops with a memorable chorus so nicely.

Yet, I've talked nothing beyond the first two tracks. The exact same surgical-precision carefully crafts noticeably intricate passages together with effects not only added in the right spots, but taking the forefront with full sincerity when necessary. The second half of the album consists mainly of shorter tunes weaved together in such a fluid matter. "Let It Be Done" is the only track that merely exists as a bridge, but it stabilizes the drastic mood shift wonderfully between the equally somber and terrifying "Victimized" and "Cremation," an absolutely perfect sendoff. The former crafts the climax with loads of horror-drenched emotion and suspense, rigging up chants and a harpsichord to aid the intricate leads, while the latter is like a simpler cool-off that marches us to the grave; I simply cannot love the slow unraveling of guitar and keyboard layers here enough. Moreover, ""Amon" Belongs To "Them"" invokes similar feelings of defeat with whinier leads and hopeless howls from King. The dash of toppings in this one add so much, helping with our descent into the guitar wails and synth melodies of "Something Weird."

King Diamond elaborates on a lot of this within the longer tracks, even outside of the epic opener. "A Visit From The Dead" is such a unique one, almost working like a dark ballad that utilizes beautiful acoustics to its advantage, tricking us into a false sense of security; even its heavier part seems somber compared to what's to come. "The Wedding Dream" follows that up with its sinister organ-meets-drum pummels breaking wonderfully into a steady gallop, before the second half of the track invokes those familiar feelings of insanity. If there's a single song that feels like it could have been cut, it may be "Lies," but its a necessary one for the sake of the story, and still isn't even remotely bad.

In hindsight, it's almost fun to look at Conspiracy as the story itself, and view its predecessor as a prequel that dove into the lore that brought us where we are. Up to this point, King's solo discography is pretty untouchable, but the idea presented here feels more full, more concise, and more complete. We're met with so many emotions, so much terror, so many intricate tricks and fuming craftsmanship that couldn't have been pieced together better if they tried.

Album Review: King Diamond - "Them"

King Diamond - "Them"

Roadrunner Records - 1988

8/10

When your entire musical career has basically been a giant case of "wow, it will be tough to follow that up!" you're susceptible to eventually realizing it. King Diamond's third solo effort "Them" is a fantastic record, which few would dispute; it's just the fact that everything King has touched to this point has set the bar astronomically high. Thus, said third installment may feel regressive by comparison, even though in a vacuum there isn't a lot to complain about. As a side note, this is probably one my favorite album covers in the entire discography.

As a whole, it paints its picture with familiar colors of the signature wails, falsettos, harmony, and spooky melodies for everything to rest on. As a first, we have the front man himself playing a character, working like an inevitable first-person narrative, that utilizes the same shades of suspense through galloping progression, pummeling drum kicks, and different layers of tones to sift through. In short, the formula isn't much different than what we got before with Abigail, a fine place to draw inspiration from. Start to finish, the glaring difference is the general flow, as moods seem to change more often from song to song rather than from supposed "acts" of several songs together.

Much of that is owed to arrangement and placement. Utilization of catchy hooks don't appear as often as one might expect, and sharp leads as muscular padding fall into the role of traditional guitar solos more often than they do as transitions or pairings with verses. Absolutely nothing from that formula sticks out as wrong, but it does become harder to find moments that press deep into the emotions, be it for a scare or some other affect. What's good about this is that the best moments are truly immaculate. "The Invisible Guests" is rightfully a staple, raking in powerful riff sequences and haunting coatings that add wonderful life to the hooky chorus. The uneasy intro of "Mother's Getting Weaker" is a great tone-setter as the story shifts to the parts around unclean spirits affecting the family, and the Twilight Zone-adjacent affects in "The Accusation Chair" break beautifully into a power-stance riff. Hell, even "Twilight Symphony" drives discomfort and perhaps sadness into the skin with its tragic ending, even though by this point on the record I'm ready for things to wrap up.

Where "Them" falls short just boils down to leaning too hard into the horror-cartoon narrative that worked so well before as a crutch. Songs like "Tea" feel like reworked filler to simply fit a vibe, and I'm not much a fan of the disjointed center of "Bye, Bye Missy," especially because its thunderous opening is such a great reflection of the action's climax. Moreover, three of the eleven tracks are theatric non-songs that didn't need to be their own tracks. Regardless, most of this is still a fantastic experience, and it's fair to say I'm hard on it because of the precedence set before. The bigger picture has a few holes one can poke, yet certain parts alone are greater than the sum.